PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Claiming that he has been “treated very unfairly,” Donald Trump is suing eighty-one million American voters for banning him from the White House.
“This was all part of a Big Tech conspiracy,” he said. “Many of these eighty-one million people were users of Facebook, Twitter, and TicketyTock.”
Trump called the decision by eighty-one million people to ban him from the White House “a bad thing. A very bad thing.”
“This would mean that it’s up to millions of Americans to decide who gets to use the White House and who doesn’t,” he said. “This should never be allowed to happen in this country.”
The lawsuit was delayed for several weeks, sources said, while Trump sought to determine which, if any, of his attorneys still had a law license.
More Satire from the Borowitz Report
- G.O.P. claims Biden is artificially inflating his job-approval rating by displaying competence.
- Millions ask Facebook to ban their relatives.
- Biden announces plan to cut Carlson emissions.
- Rand Paul says the secret to social distancing is to make everyone despise you.
- Republicans accuse Liz Cheney of reading the Constitution.
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