NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans were shocked to learn of the existence of a Trump adviser who had not already been arrested.
In interviews across the country, Americans who had been certain that there were no unindicted Trump advisers left said that the arrest of Tom Barrack had caused them to rethink things.
“After Manafort, Stone, Flynn, Bannon, Cohen, Papadopoulos, and the rest, I really thought they’d gotten them all,” Tracy Klugian, who lives in Phoenix, said. “I guess I spoke too soon.”
“Trump sure had a lot of advisers charged with crimes,” Harland Dorrinson, who lives in Chattanooga, said. “Whoever hired advisers for him did a terrible job.”
Carol Foyler, who lives in Akron, saw a silver lining in the Trump adviser being arrested so late. “Since Giuliani already lost his law license, Barrack doesn’t have to worry about being represented by him,” she said.
Davis Logsdon, who lives in Minneapolis, had previously thought that there were no more Trump advisers remaining to be arrested but is no longer sure. “Jared and Don, Jr., haven’t been arrested yet,” he said. “Or have they? It’s so hard to keep track.”
More Satire from the Borowitz Report
- Donald Trump forgets to strand rally crowd in parking lot.
- Mitch McConnell warns that voting bill would bring U.S. to brink of democracy.
- Ted Cruz calls Obamacare a Democratic plot to keep people alive.
- Susan Collins regrets no longer being the most annoying senator.
- Trump to be reinstated as the president—of Trump University.
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