This is what happens when you tools support an unelected puppet with dementia!
In an address to the press today Creepy uncle Joe revealed his latest mandate.
"Marriage Mandates" to end illegitimacy, welfare, abortion, gay marriage, global warming, overpopulation, and pornography.
Creepy Joe read his telepromter, and it all kinda made sense-- even to him.
" Since 1965 we have spent trillions on the great society programs only to see illegitamcy and government dependency rise, while marriage declined in equal proportions ".. he remarked.
"The common denominator in this is, well, we all know what it is...it's knocking boots and casual sex outta wedlock".. Joe continued.
"This has resulted in the conditions we see today, where in Nature it does not occur. Even Animals are required to care for their young. Welfare and Abortion are two human inventions that impede the course of Evolutionary "natural selection". .. Creepy Joe paused, wiping his brow. It was past his normal nap time, and these are bigger words than he was used to reading.
"In a vision from Darwin and Freud, I believe, it all came clear to me.. Joe continued. "Women are both exploited and self exploiters when they have casual sex with men. Evolution sez the act of sex is for procreation and the continued evolution of life on this planet through natural selection. all evils we face today stem from humans having sex and kids without facing appropriate natural consequences. This leads to a weakening of the human species snd is counter evolutionary" he said.
Gasps were heard in the audience. Libz and conservatives nodded their heads together in partial ageeement. Godless Libz loved the evolution part, but hated the idea of reversing the so called 'sexual revolution'-- after all, getting laid and snorting coke was everything Politicians in DC and Movie Stars in Hollywood shared as the meaning of life. But there will soon be no life if Glowbul Warming continues, they thought. What did our beloved President Biden say about ending gay marriage? That's bad right? And ending porn too? we like porn.
Conservatives, meanwhile hated the evolution part, but they loved the idea of ending illegitimacy, welfare, and Abortion. Gay marriage was a "crime against God and Nature" and part of an international communist conspiracy to destroy the traditional nuclear family, Glowbul warming was a fraud to make lotsa money, and porn.. we like porn too.
Everyone was conflicted and happy at the same time, they all waited to see what Joe would say next...
Creepy Joe rubbed his eyes, yawned, squinted at the teleprompter and continued.
"Legal Marriage holds adults accountable for themselves and their offspring. It all comes down to the pro creative sexual act. Henceforth, anyone who has sex in the territories and states of the United States of America, will be thereafter deemed to be legally married to the other person."
Thr Libz fainted. The conservatives murmured. Finally someone asked
"What about group sex?"
Creepy Joe replied: Marriage is between one human person above the legal age of consent in the state where coitus occurs, and another human person of same legal status.
question: What about incest and underage people?
Joe said: "life in prison at hard labor in our new penal colony in Alaska. Next question?"
Mr President, how will this new mandate affect the other changes you spoke of?
" I'm glad you asked, .. Joe continued.
"You see, overpopulation is key to this problem. Too many people, too much of everything. Greenhouse gas, glowbul warming. Too many kids, too much welfare. Illegitimate sex, too many unwanted kids, and abortion. o
"Doesnt pornography help keep the unfit from breeding? Look at Jetsheep wanking in his mothers basement all day" . someone asked.
Joe replied: " Yes, Jetsheep is a prime example of when sex is misused according to the natural laws Of Evolution. he spends all day wanking because he is unfit to breed with another human. But the humans breeding on film will now need to be Legally Married.. which will eliminate the culture of Pornstars everywhere. Jetsheep may be forced in turn to leave his basement anf get a job. Maybe an actual woman will breed with him someday, and he will then be Legally married, according to this new executive order of mine.
"How will your new mandate end Gay marriage?"
Creepy Joe replied: "I'm glad you asked that question. It wont end gay marriage it will enforce monogamy among gays, and will establish a legal marriage whether they want one or not.
What about divorce?
"No divorces will be allowed in the future, because you can only get married once with the person you choose to have sex with. If you have sex again with anyone else it will be considered "polygamy" which remains illegal in the US.
What about Rape?
"Rapists will be executed, by the family of the victim, usually the father. Next question?"
This is in keeping with the values of our new allies, the Taliban of Afghanistan, and their enlightened policies towards human freedom and personal dignity" .. Joe yawned, and continued..
"Now if there are no more quedtions..
oh yes, I almost forgot. All private business will require marriage license from their employees by october 1st of this year. Failure to be married will be met with regulatory fines and civil penalties, including mandatory termination of employment."
The teleprompter ended. Creepy Joe was led off the stage to his daily nap in the Lincoln Bedroom.
Everyone but you Jetsheep, has complied.
Stop masterbating. Get married!
wear your mask! Get the vax!
(or else!)
Useful idiot!
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