WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a blistering attack on the Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson, Senate Republicans accused the judge of having been nominated by President Biden.

Senator Josh Hawley led the charge, telling reporters that he had “conclusive evidence” linking Jackson to Biden.

“Judge Jackson met with Biden, talked to Biden, and allowed herself to be nominated by Biden,” Hawley said. “Three strikes, you’re out.”

Senator Mitch McConnell called Jackson’s apparent ties to Biden “gravely troubling.”

“Unless Judge Jackson is prepared to prove, under oath, that she has not been nominated by President Biden, I would call her confirmation a lost cause,” McConnell said.

Hawley said that, in the event that Jackson is not confirmed, there are a number of candidates who would be acceptable to him, including Alex Jones, the My Pillow guy, and the QAnon shaman.