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Jonah moves to Florida


Jonah moves to Florida   

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Author: Shooting Shark   Date: 11/9/2022 8:47:33 PM  +2/-3  

In the Old Tesament Jonah got swallowed by a Whale because he refused to  to preach to the Ninevites. The Ninevites were "unclean" -- They listened to Rock music, rode Harley-Davidsons, had a major export of high quality opium and marajuana, and produced some of the finest "pole-dancers" in the Middle east.

Nineveh was the capital city of the dreaded Assyrians.

Refusing to heed Gods command, Jonah got on a boat bound for Tarsus ( Saint Paul's original home, interestingly) but a storm blew up and threatened the survival of the ship. Jonah felt guilty and imagined he was the reason for the storm. He told the sailors on the boat his story, about running away from Gods desires for his life.

The sailors became convinced Jonah bore the curse of the Almighty for saying "No"

So they threw him overboard and the storm subsided.
Then he got swallowed by the whale.

Three days later Jonah got vomited on the shore.
He told God, "Ok ok, I've had enough. I'll go!"

So Jonah then traveled to Nineveh and warned the city’s inhabitants that they must repent or risk having their city destroyed in 40 days.

The King of Nineveh heeded Jonah’s warning and immediately dobed sackcloth and ashes, repenting of all the sex, drugs. and Rock-and-Roll the Assyrians were famous for. He instructed the Ninevites to do the same.

And  so Jonah camped outside the Mighty City of Nineveh. There was no more partying, no Rockmusic, women dressed modestly, and Spandex was forbidden for overweight  female airline passengers departing OERX ( ICAO identifier for "Nineveh international Airport")

The Ninevites destroyed their Blue Oyster Cult record collections, gave up their Harley-Davidsons motorcycles for riding bicycles, stopped smoking weed, and stopped hanging out in strip clubs. They showed repentance to God. 

God saw their repentance and spared them from destruction (Jonah 3:10).

And so as Jonah camped outside the walls of the city, God provided a vine and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort. Jonah was very happy about the vine.

But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the vine so that it withered and died. 

And that's the end of the story in the Bible.

 

But rumor has it --like some other ancient Old Testament prophets, Jonah lived on.

Jonah wasn't spared death by being taken bodily to Heaven in a flaming Chariot, like Elijah.

Instead, (being denied the comfort of the Vine, and it's mortal fate and escape in death) Jonah was cursed to live on --wandering the planet until the end of time--never aging, outliving generation after generation of corrupt humans, witnessing their depravity, while preaching repentance.

The Ninevites repented, but Jonah's mission as a "Gods Prophet of Doom" wasn't over.

Today, Jonah lives in Boca Raton Florida, is a political advisor to Republican Governor Ron Desantis, whose message to Libs everywhere is:

"REPENT before its TOO LATE!"

Useful Idiots!!


 
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Jonah moves to Florida +2/-3 Shooting Shark 11/9/2022 8:47:33 PM