ATLANTA (The Borowitz Report)—The Georgia congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene testified on Friday that she could not have played a part in the January 6, 2021, insurrection because she had been abducted by a Jewish spaceship earlier that day.
“I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when suddenly a Jewish teleporting beam levitated me into the hull of the orbiter,” she said.
Once abducted, she testified, she found herself in the presence of the Rothschild banking family, all dressed in silver spacesuits.
“They had this big panel with flashing lights and knobs on it that they were using to control the government, the news media, and the entertainment industry,” she said.
After observing her for several hours, the Rothschilds returned her to Earth unharmed, she said.
“My biggest fear was that the Rothschilds had implanted something in my head to control my mind the way they control wildfires,” she testified. “Fortunately, my brain is the same as it’s always been.”
