WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Ginni Thomas has reassured the American people that she is doing everything in her power to keep her husband’s mounting ethical issues from interfering with her work on the United States Supreme Court.

Acknowledging that her husband’s controversies were a “distraction,” Thomas said, “They shouldn’t keep me from doing the important work I was sent here to do.”

“There are reproductive rights to shred and environmental protections to erase,” she said. “Regardless of the mess Clarence has gotten himself into, I need to keep my focus.”

Calling her post as Associate Justice of the Supreme Court “a job I’ve loved for the past three decades,” Thomas said, “I’m hopping mad that Clarence would do anything to jeopardize that. But anyone who thinks that I’m giving less than a hundred per cent to my work doesn’t know what Ginni Thomas is made of.”